Love is
by neonteddybear
Summary: "Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it's when he ignores you and you still love him, it's when he loves another girl but you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is cry." Kames R&R.


**This is most angst and just a one shot. Quote: "Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it's when he ignores you and you still love him, it's when he loves another girl but you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is cry."**

Love is…

Maybe love, for others, is when you do everything for that person, even if you have to die in the process. It's when you know everything about that being and still be with them, you still hold them. It's when you hold them in your arms just to know they are real. But for me, love is pain, to know you can't have the person you love. To know they are in the arms of another, to know that if you tell them you love them, they'll hate you with so much abhorrence. To me this is love that I have to tolerate; this is what my heart feels.

This was the eight times he had discarded me to go out with her. We always planned our hangouts, oh, how I love being with him. Those times, we shared, are what I cherish, but now he won't look at me, or even speak to me without me forcing him to. I had to force him to make a plan with me, I even made him promise, but I guess he loves breaking promises. Well the promises he makes with me at least… Though I never asked why he was basically avoiding me, nope, I knew the reason why…

The new girl named Jo, the one that everyone was talking about, and the one that stole Kendall's heart. The rumors about her, were not the best, most everyone stated she was a whore. But Kendall never gave up hope, nope; he went and fell for that said whore. Not only that, I tried my best to make him not love Jo, but as you can tell I failed.

So I slumped on to the curb of the movie theater, not knowing what to do at the moment. Usually I walk home with my head hanging low in misery, but today felt different. Today I was going to end this pattern of deception, all I wanted was answers. And I was going to get them one way or the other. Kendall kept on hurting me more and more even if he knew it or not.

I headed back home, and coming into the hotel was nerve racking; to notice all the mocking couples. Ignoring all the smiles I've got, and storming into 2J. That's when I cracked under the pressure I had on my shoulders. All the regrets and the empty promises, I used to overlook; are now being planted in my heart, which was already breaking at this moment. Why was it breaking now? Why was this weight on my shoulders finally making me crack? Well… I guess just seeing Kendall and Jo plainly making out on the couch, what made me finally break.

"Kendall!" I growled. My body was shaking uncontrollably and involuntarily. Kendall and Jo quickly separated and Kendall snapped his head towards me. His eye grew immense, and his smile twisted into an instant frown, "J-James."

"Yeah! 'James'," I growled. "What the fuck Kendall!"

"You don't have to scream Jamie," Jo turned to me with a pout.

"Don't you fucking call me that!" I paused my anger was getting to me but somehow I couldn't make myself care, "Whore."

"James!" Kendall growled.

"Do not fucking say my name, you bastard! I had it with you! Why do you always ditch me to go with this slut! Why do you keep breaking our promises for this slut!" Kendall face felled as I told him the truth. The truth that we kept ignoring, thinking it was okay to ignore, but it truly wasn't.

"Jo, I think you should go," Kendall's voice turned soft. Jo nodded as stood up and headed to the door. I let her pass not caring the glare she gave me. As soon as the door slam close, Kendall was already next to me, screaming of course. The adrenaline soon left, as I ignore Kendall shouts as I headed to my room.

"James!" Kendall growled as I slammed the door in my face. Maybe because I knew I probably just ruin our relationship, the one single I didn't want to break. But most good things end and all the corrupt things start, but in the end I'm the only one who suffers. Maybe it's best for us to not be friends, and move on. Well, for Kendall to move on while I dawdle in the past. Yes, I could see this happening…

I crash landed in my bed as I felt the unnoticed tears flow down my cheek. Yes, this is best for the both of us, if Kendall and I won't be friends. That night I slept undisturbed… but of course when I woke up was when I started to dread more of my life.

"What the hell you said to Kendall?" Logan barked as soon as I walked out of my room. Carlos gave a disappointed glance, "He's all angry, he won't even talk to us!" Even my other best friends were against me.

"I don't give a fuck," I said simply as I silence Carlos and Logan. They gave me flabbergasted look, " And tell Kendall to man up." Soon I was in the bathroom, contemplating myself in the mirror. I sighed, I was a mess without Kendall, but this is what I have to get used to, being all alone and unwanted.

As I finally came out of the bathroom, I got glares from everyone. I simply shrugging them off, I headed to the kitchen. Unfortunately for me Kendall was there, and he looked a mess. He seemed to have been crying, but the great Kendall Knight never cries, not even once, and his circle under his eyes shown he didn't get much sleep last night. Maybe he did care about our relationship.

"James," He let my name slipped in between his lips.

"What?" I growled, I knew he was going yell at me again.

"I-I want to say I'm sorry," I froze. "I've been an idiot, I was putting Jo in front of you and that not right."

"…" I blinked away the tears. This can't be happening…Kendall was supposed to hate me, and avoid me. He wasn't supposed to tell me he was sorry and that he was wrong. "A-And I'm sorry for hurting James; I never meant to do that. I wouldn't even dare to dream of hurting you James, but I did," Kendall bit his quivering bottom lip, "And I shouldn't have, I didn't even notice until, I saw tears i-in your eyes and you were screaming at me."

"Kendall…" I paused what could I tell the blonde. That while he was hurting me; I was hurting him. That we were both idiots and that we should forget what happened. No, I can't forget the pain he brought me and what he still is bringing to my shattered heart. "Why did you avoid me?"

"I-I-I," He swallowed his words, as they try to free themselves from his throat, "I just… I thought only about… I-I didn't mean to"

"But why Kendall," My voice turned anxious maybe he loved me too, and just wanted to forget about me by being with Jo. But of course I'm always wrong, "James, I-I just finally fell for Jo, and all I could think of was Jo, and I forgot about my best _pal_." The way he said 'pal' made my back shiver, as if Kendall himself didn't like the word.

"Oh… okay _pal_," Kendall face felled as I said the word.

"S-So we're friends again," He question as he tried to forget the word.

"Yup we are best of _pals_," I wore a fake smile, as I tried my best not to say 'I love you.'

"Yay," Kendall's voice turned weak. After that we went our separate ways for the day until we were stuck in the recording room with Carlos and Logan. They kept giving me apprehensive glances, while I caught Kendall looking at me multiple times. I felt diminutive and scared as I felt everyone's eyes on me. Sweat then started to drip from my face and minutes became ever so slower, as I saw Kendall bite his bottom lip while tears overflowed his eyes. _Oh no…_

How can this be happening? Kendall,_ my_ Kendall, was crying but no one seemed to notice except me. I could see how hard it was for him to hold in pain, like it was hard for me to tell Kendall that I love him. In one slight moment, Kendall ran off, making everyone but me stunned. I, on the other hand, ran after as he turned to the quickest bathroom.

That's when I found Kendall curled up into a ball of one of the corners of the bathroom. I slumped down next to him as I held him tightly, letting him sob on my shoulder. After what seem for hours, he finally had called down. "Hey," I said not knowing what to say.

"H-Hey," His voice sounded so fragile and delicate; making me hold him tighter.

"What's wrong?" I asked simply.

"I-I-I," Kendall looked down at the floor, "Jo broke up with me…" I, at this very moment, had been the most happy than in last few weeks, but soon that happiness came crashing down when he saw Kendall in so much pain.

"I'm so sorry Kendall," I was sincerely sorry, maybe if I didn't have that outbreak, maybe then Kendall would still be happy.

"It's my fault James, not yours, I messed," Kendall mumbled.

"What happened," I questioned.

"Well…she told me I had to pick between her and…"He paused biting his bottom lips more, "Or you…" I froze, my heart was beaten rapidly; this can't be happening. "And I chose you." Kendall pushed himself upwards leveling himself to my head level. He inched ever so soft that his hot breathe hit my lips, that's when I lost all control. I clutch his shirt collar and pulled him even more closely. He placed his hands on each side of my shoulder and pulling until our lips finally met. I was in total bliss as I kissed with so much passion and desire, but we soon separated.

"And I pick you too," I smiled as Kendall gave me a timid grin. Maybe love is when you do everything for that person, even if you have to die in the process. It's when you know everything about that being and still be with them, you still hold them. It's when you hold them in your arms just to know they are real. Now I really did know what is what love.


End file.
